just another poem.
March 14, 2006
bunny101
i woke up to the sound of my dog barkin,
so i looked out my windo,
and i saw my dog lying there,
it dident move a bit, i dont know wat to do,
i need to know,
im getting scared,
im starting to shake,
im crying so mutch,
someone has kild my dog,
my dog ment so mutch to me,
now its gorn.
i realy need to find out who did this to me,
they had to know that it realy hurt me,
they had to know how mutch i loved my dog,
and they took it away from me.
im so upset i could kill my self,
i dont know wat to do,
im gonna find out who did this and im gonna kill em,
to stop me from hurting,
it makes me sick….
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mrbartlett | March 26, 2006 at 5:33 am
That is a tragic tale. You give us a good idea of what it must have felt like for someone to have their dog killed. You could have used a few more ’sensual’ words to give the reader an even better idea of how it felt – was it cold? what sort of barking was it (angry/scared)? if the narrator is hurting, how does that feel? You also need to be a bit more careful with your spelling, which another draft of this poem might help correct.